Intimacy starts with yourself! How long will you still judge, reject or abandon your true self. Whilst you are busy being hard on yourself, you will never find out if your fear could actually save you, ... and bring you a lot of fun in the process!
All you need to do is to start talking (intimacy = to state or make known) and explore the symbolic meaning of your fantasies and fetishes. They just could be a signpost rather than a STOP sign!
You certainly will feel better and lighter after you have relieved your heavy burden through your throat.