• Kai Helmich

Triads as a new family structure

Did you ever dream of a threesome? Most people actually did at least as part of their erotic fantasy, but can you imagine to extend the experience from a short moment of indulgence in pleasure, arousal and excitement, into a committed long term experience? That would equally involve and fulfill your mind, your heart and your bodies needs and requirements

For me this form of a triad family structure offers numerous practical benefits and is bang on aligned with our Zeitgeist.

Alone to consider this form of relationship style one would have to sufficiently let go of and distance themselves from the controlling religious grip of the catholic church. The process of exploring futuristic reference points also means that enough individualization has already occurred, to allow that person to express themselves freely. As we detach and close old doors, new open ones will naturally become visible to us. Its just like juggling. If you juggle with a maximum of balls that you can handle then there is no potential for you to take on another ball without risking to drop one or even all of them. But as soon as you choose to drop at least one of them, suddenly you are open and maybe even seeking actively to take in another ball again.

Just imagine what a team of three adults could achieve by creating a sustainable household and living standard. Isn’t it normal for most families that both would have to work to create sufficient income? Isn’t it also true, that at least one partner would be pretty much stressed out about the massive commitment it takes to be the main provider at work with enough fuel left in the tank for family activities thereafter? I always felt that if you cook for 2 or 3, it doesn’t make much difference. On the contrary if you have 2 or even 3 incomes to pay the bills with, it makes all the difference!

Or imagine how the chores could be divided by 3 people instead of two. Wouldn’t there be much more scope for the people doing what they actually are willing to do or want to do, rather what they would have to do. The grass in the garden needs to be cut, if you like it or not. The glass needs to be brought back to the recycling center, the kids need to be picked up from kindergarten and the mortgage needs to be paid etc. etc. Why should not the one person do what he loves to do, ie. earning and providing whilst the other one follows their enjoyment to work in the garden and the third is looking after the daily tasks which feels easy to them ...

Emotionally many people would gain a strengthened sense, of feeling safe and secure within a triad, because there are two more posts that hold the roof together instead of all relying onto the one other. The dreadful question, what happens when the one partner chooses to leave or even dies suddenly. Then with all the emotional pain and grief associated with this traumatic event, there still would be enough of a supporting net around, that holds everything together whilst the process of radical change continues. Just imagine what it would mean for older people if they could look after each other together. There certainly, two are better than one, who can cope with the demands of elderly care. Particularly if one person within the triad is younger than the others.

Emotionally each of those in the triad would have to evolve into a more open heart space, from where detachment is key to share everything and serve the triad through much more defined or much more flexible roles that each has to play out on a daily basis. Finally we would have the chance to actually work with emotional issues of jealousy and excessive displays of possessiveness. They would become common themes, at least initially rather than shadow themes that nobody wants to own up to but still acts out subconsciously.

And then imagine the sexual benefit of having a triad. So much more possibilities are present to express and enjoy oneself within this extended menu. Not only would the one person who has the most appetite receive enough resources from the other two to equally be fulfilled. But also the creative expression of how to explore different dynamics within the relationship would offer so much more authentic food for thought. I believe that each person has their own cycle and prefers different things at different times. Ie. one person is a morning person, whilst the other one becomes alive around lunch, the other one prefers the evenings. It is just being on a cruise ship where there is delicious food served abundantly in a buffet style, 24/7. All you need is to have an appetite and an idea of what it is that you want to taste right now.

Last but not least, I like the idea that kids grow up in a extended, loving family structure where the birth parents are not too much emotional involved or even overwhelmed, where there are bonus dads or bonus mums around who support the natural growth of the unprotected individual from a more objective point of reference. Assuring that we don’t turn kids into projections, extensions and mirror images of their parents. Because the one thing that I have learned is that children come into life to live their lives, not to be burdened to live the life of their fathers or mothers.

Equally I envision that the choice of relationships for the new, post millennial generations will become a freer, more evolved and more adapted form than that which our parents or grandparents were able to choose from.

The one thing that I love most in the chaos of today's society is that everything goes and that we are relatively safe in pursuing our intuitive visions and follow our dreams. If we would just have the balls to go for it!

Rise and shine