• Kai Helmich

Today's sexuality is so overrated but why is it so important to us?


They say you shame people's sexuality and they are under control. Free them of their shame and soon they are out of control.


We all have sexual energy running through us. It is at our core, a force that is deeply coming from within us, asking to engage with the world around us and express ourselves creatively. This feeling and desire to become close with people, ideas and YES things. Or why would they say this car turns you on, makes your blood boil of a desire to want it, to own it, take it, eat it, drive it, ride it. In each of these, the mechanism of modern western society is locked in: CONSUMERISM


But what if sex is not about DOING, rather it is about BEING sexual. Of course that pair belongs together but the question has never been asked. Who comes first? If you get into doing then there is not much space for being anymore. But If you just are yourself, then your doing will come effortless and everything will flow.

But If you are again, doing it then they can somehow take a profit from it and control it, or better to control it in a way (via shaming) to reap the biggest possible profits from it. So sex has become a industry! A massive industry for people who consume sex, ie. want to do it, to watch it or at least feel the need to surround themselves with its deeply grounded energy and base frequency.


The base chakra or energy system in our bodies is that of safety and security. A safety and security that is for a very long time misunderstood. The place of feeling safe and secure is not coming from a material point of view rather from a spiritual one. You can see this best by taking the Maslow's Pyramide and turning it upside down. It is not so much about having money and having enough food and a roof over the head. What we are dealing with when we heal that aspect within ourselves is being good enough and worthy of love so that we are able to give ourselves permission to become our own priority, to attend our needs first as the saying goes: "you can't still the thirst of others from a dry well" - So we all ahve to take a stance, claim our space and express our differentiated uniqueness, as a gesture of service and gratefulness towards the universe.


The Maslow's Pyramid calls this last step Self Actualization which I believe is actually the first step. The tip of the Triangle is now the place from where everything can grow from. It points to the seed that has fallen onto mother earth to fulfill its prophecy and purpose. If you have taken the time to find out who you really are, you are not wasting time and energy anymore to do things just to become worthy and good enough. You should be doing things because you are being that. It's like when you do things you love, you will never have to work in your life again. So there is also a doing in being. Just because I sit down and contemplate the world, trying to figure out what place I have within it, doesn’t mean I am a lazy couch potato. It just means I have done too much already and are now taking the time to wait for my being to catch up again.

Otherwise you are going to find out in a phase of burnout etc. that you have always been an elephant who tried his hardest, without much success to climb trees competitively just because climbing trees was the thing to do that society offered the most appreciation and gratification. See how your doing becomes different when you can stop the impossible, to enjoy walking in shoes that don’t fit you.



Or stay with that symbolism and take in the picture how much effort (doing) an elephant needs to do, to climb a tree. How much calculations would he need to do to minimize the risk of failure. How often would he have to walk around the tree to analyze it from every angle possible just to find the possible spot to start climbing from. How many attempts will he have to do to lift his body and weight up from the floor? And now just picture a monkey effortlessly doing what he is naturally doing. He climbs trees, swings from one branch to another and sits peacefully in the crown of the tree, not fearing that his weight may be too much for the branch to handle. No, he isn’t too much or too little, too heavy or too light, to dumb or too intelligent, … he is just good enough for exactly that. And so are you, perfectly made to follow your instinct, your desire, gut feeling or intuition.


So doing sex is like doing it in a way that actually doesn’t match your authentic self. Allow yourself to be sexual without judging it in any way and drop the social and religious norms and you will find that walking becomes enjoyable again, even though you are choosing now to walk more, to choose different and unknown routes and even choose lengthy detours just because they feel right to take them at that moment of time. So when your inner Navigation System (gut feeling, intuition) tells you to take a turn, however unexpected or aligned with your daily schedule it may be - then please take that turn as the Universe needs you right now somewhere else to play out your unique skills and gifts for the whole to function.


I got a little bit sidetracked here! So let's go back to consuming again! How do you increase consumerism for something that is so incredibly sweet and enjoyable like making love? Yes you make it scarce, create standards and you attach an ego identification to the higher standards, so that you can scale it and maximize control of movement towards a peak of a momentum curve!


Imagine you are selling water only for consumption between the hours from 6-8am in the morning whilst water or any other drinks are forbidden to be consumed for the rest of the day. How quickly do you think a kind of illegal marketplace will pop up everywhere and … over time will create a huge industry with inflated prices, bad quality products and corruption, tax evasion etc. But we all have the natural urge to drink as we are getting thirsty. I would even say that clean drinking water is a human right. And so is our creative sexual desire to express ourselves. It cannot be anything else than a human birth right. If we can allow enough compassion and empathy to ourselves and to other people, to express ourselves creatively via being sexual rather than always having to do it, then we will find a much wider scope for all kinds of sexual expressions. Yes we will end up being more sexual than ever before but when we have transcended the big hype of an overemphasized sexual stereotype, that of hard sex, penetration and orgasm/ ejaculation as the only goal, we will become free again, to be children once more.


We will have gained back the freedom to express ourselves without judgment by daring again to play creatively with innocence, playfulness and curiosity - just like children do! In the bible it already said “bring me the children, as the kingdom of heaven belongs to them”.


Your unique being is important, because it cannot be controlled without force. You being aligned to your unconditional truth is fixed and non-negotiable. Your doing that isn’t aligned with your being, is controllable, negotiable and won’t stand the test of time/ pressure anyway!

So please do keep shining your light and you shall empower others to shine theirs. Get to know yourself and suddenly the Maslow Pyramide when turned around will show you the proof that all things that you need will be there for you. You won’t have to climb up to get there, rather if you will be who you are, everything what you’ll need will be right there for you.

The Maslow's pyramide how it actually works for people.
Maslow's pyramide up side down

To finish the question of why is sexuality overrated and still so important to us? The simple answer is that we have learned to do or have sex which doesn't sooth the soul. In being sexual lies a dimension that the soul wants you to explore. And this deep desire to take part and express yourself to this world will not be suppressed. It is part of a survival function of the universe! If we all play our unique micro parts in the macro world - then it naturally turns to heaven on earth.


Thank you for your so important contribution. Keep rising, keep shining your light


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