• Kai Helmich

The great projection onto anal sex


Do you watch porn? Yes? Then you are likely to also watch anal sex videos? Yes? But may I ask you frankly if you also take it up the a***? NO! Hmmm, I thought so. I guess still many heterosexual men stay away from this dark hole, at least from their own. But so much could be gained from it, if those men would change their minds about allowing themselves to receive a little anal work for themselves. At least they would find out about the vulnerability of being penetrated. That alone would be much of a success and could result in some big improvements of how well the sexual advances actually would be received and how enjoyable and even lucrative the act would then actually turn out to be for the wifey. Maybe many of the couples in their late 40s up into their 60s would not have to try so hard, to rekindle their non-existing sex lives. So often for the later generations the woman initially has lost the interest of becoming penetrated full stop and refuses to have anymore sex. The younger generations have seen more of a tendency that the woman have evolved and are now cutting off or hold their husbands by their balls. In that way they control what goes on and have the men submit into a pleaser function which is more a practical solution to top up his much needed self-esteem so that he can keep bringing home the bacon ... if that responsibility hasn’t actually been taken over by the woman also. I personally work with the Mummy / Boy dynamic rather often. It means the men have already lost their balls and now seek support in ways of how they can reclaim them to feel like adult men again, not just in the business world. But this is another story.


The men that hold so tightly onto the old archaic mode (cowboy) generally, are literally tight arses if they don’t hide it well by play a good macho facade. They have a chronic way of being tense in their hips and experience their lives mostly from their rational mind, just not to show any emotions which would mean becoming vulnerable. And that of course is a NO NO - that would be weak!

So what happens to your sex life if you are chronically tense and contracted? Yes, on one side you are somehow holding stuff in. A sustainable cycle is a full circle of receiving something, feeling it and then expressing it authentically so that no residue is left in the body. Whatever is left to rot will start smelling sooner than later just like sh**. And because so much of that is emotional, energetic and or even traumatic experiences from the past one shows symptoms of weight gain, mainly around the belly. We all know now that the belly in men is particularly prone to stress and stress is also created by feeling anxious or not able to express one’s truth in an authentic manner. And that brings us back to sexuality and why we have to free it from shame and empower our authentic expression.

The rule on an emotional and energetic level is that nothing leaves before it hasn’t been acknowledged, felt into it and expressed fully. We also know that our gut is our second brain and that is also where all the rotting stuff is waiting to be discharged. But how can you do that you may ask?

It is important to know that you have two valves in your anus. One is autonomic, mainly subconsciously regulated by your body and one that is non-autonomic. The latter is controlled by your mind which allows you to hold back till you reach the toilet. Gaining conscious control over your 1st sphincter you basically just need some awareness to squeeze it to close it and loosen it to relax it again. Now check during the day if you are tense and if you could lose a little bit of that tension. So often people will say: but I am not tense! … till they try to squeeze it and realize how tense they actually are. Now exhale, relax a little bit more and release.


If you are still reading this, well done - it means your shame level is ok and you are ready to go deeper!


The 2nd or internal sphincter is more difficult and requires activating your parasympathetic nervous system. You can do that by lying flat on the floor, tugging your shoulders under which opens your chest and rolling your arms with your palms facing upwards. Stretch out and loosen up your legs. Just let your knees slightly roll outwards. Perfect! Now place your eyes onto the ceiling, breath gently in and out from your belly and put a little bit more emphasis on the exhale, deflating the belly as you would do on the inhale. Remember you want to get rid of stuff, that’s why there is more emphasis on expelling/ exhaling! Then breath in again, all the way into your belly, inflating your belly. If possible, allow yourself to sigh a few times on the exhale. After having done a few rounds of effortless in- and exhaling you may start yawning. Perfect, allow it to be there. Maybe your belly starts rumbling too! All signs that you are starting to relax and to unwind. At last, take another deep breath in and on the exhale allow your eyes to fall shut. Done, now witness how your body drops from a much more hectic state into a more relaxed state of being.

If you wanna go one step further then bring your awareness from breathing in and out from your belly down to breathing in and out from your anus. Keep envisaging how an energetic stream is going in and out via the 2 sphincters:

  • Inhale:

Relaxing, opening and welcoming love and awareness - going through, taking in - closing behind and internalizing

  • Keep your breath for 3 seconds

Allowing the integration/ transformation process

  • Exhale:

Relaxing, opening and releasing shame - going through and discharging out - closing behind, feeling relieved

Continue for at least 2 min


Now in your parasympathetic nervous system you are unwinding and would START to become ready to penetrate your 2nd sphincter. Please note, never penetrate your anus if it hurts and always use plenty of organic, cold pressed coconut oil as lube. It is just a sign that you need more time to relax and open up. Love yourself enough to let go of any pressure to perform. To actually penetrate and face your own sh**e you may have to take a few turns to become used to the idea and get comfortable with a certain routine. It's a process that you undertake that has an open result without any deadline. Remember you are entering a rabbit hole on a physical, emotional, mental and energetic dimension. So give yourself credit for creating a paradigm shift in yourself that of non-judgement and that you are whole, lovable and good enough. You have now been initiated into a whole human being. A man that can give and receive ...


Now you have 100% available to pursue your dreams and desires. Co-dependency is from now on only a choice. Congratulations


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