• Kai Helmich

Sexual Health = Mental Health

What has sexual health to do with mental health you will ask? Here is the thing, health is always harmony. Health is a balancing point! A place where your being is in the flow or as nature would have it: to live holistically in a place of equilibrium. That is with everybody else. Not just for your own sake.

Mental health therefore is a moment where our left and right-hand hemispheres are balanced and work together in harmony. Without one side taking up too much space for the other not to be able to co-create. In the Bible it says: “if two or more come together in my name… “ which wants to be translated into if two or more people/parts come together in an intention to create truth, love and light - like to work with each other from a place of higher consciousness, ... then amazing things will happen.

Coming back to the brain halves and relating that with the above then it becomes obvious that today’s society and therefore its humans are dominantly acting from their rational and analytical side which is known as the left hand hemisphere or the masculine side. Our creative, individual and innovative right hand hemisphere is partly or even totally forced into the passenger seat. It is important to stretch that the passenger seat is by no way the lesser important place to be. And it is exactly there in the passenger seat where it belongs to, as a navigating co-pilot who holds the map (vision through intuition) in its hands and communicates that then to the driver. BUT what if the driver doesn’t listen anymore? Or what if the driver is so focused due to its fast pace, wanting to get there the quickest, that he has no capacity anymore to take in directions.

The will power will stay the same or even start to become excessively compensating for the fact that he has lost control and tries to get away with it, doing what he does. Doing it even more, faster, stronger, higher, more risk, more ….. The only thing that will come of that is that he sooner than later (the masculine) comes off the road and crashes - which is exactly the lesson he has to learn. Single handedly to reach the goal is nearly impossible! It’s neither in line with the balance, with the harmony and co-creative universal laws of sharing power in a co-creative effort to not only reach the goal which becomes secondary, rather than transcending the experience and journey into a blissful experience of heaven on earth.

Let’s bring in the sexual aspect. Sexual energy is creative energy, which wants to be felt, acknowledged, honored and authentically expressed in each moment of time. But to engage with this energy, one needs to slow down, not to accelerate. One needs to feel into its own being rather than step into pre-mature doing. And here comes the killer - it is shame! When you engage with your lust, your desires, your fantasies and your fetishes than most likely people will try to avoid this moment of becoming conscious what is actually only our standards, norms, doctrines and rules which have been set by our parents, religion, nation etc.

This is the painful bit! Our innocent and playful expression of a curious sexuality has been veiled by a curtain of shame. The problem and equally what turns out to be equally the result of it, is that shame always has an underlying foundation of “I am not good enough, there is something not right with me. I am not worthy of love etc.” Shame is a personal, it is even a existential thing!

Would there be a curtain of guilt hanging over the creative sexual expression then that would be no problem as people would still do it, afterwards they may feel guilty of having done it, but quickly will move on as it is not personal. There is nothing wrong with yourself! You are ok! You are still good enough and worthy of love. With shame, it is different each time you feel a certain craving, you don’t even have to do it. Just thinking about it will be enough to turn your frequency down. And with time it will poison you from the inside out. Each time you only think about it, crave it or are lusting after it you will also give yourself a subconscious message of “ohhh what is wrong with me”, “I am such a bad boy/ girl”, “ohhh I am sick, I am such a pervert” etc.

The result is that we will reduce our creative expression and do what society tells us is right to do. Partly it makes sense to stay within those boundaries of the rational, but isn’t our creative, playful and innocent curiosity the colour of our life. And who wants to watch a black and white film if you could watch it in full colour HD?

Mental health is also a permission to be authentic in who you are. And we all are certainly more than only one or two shades of the colour palette. Mental health is to play with the whole spectrum of colour and allow yourself with any bad feelings to celebrate your uniqueness and individuality. No lower frequency such as depression or disease can exist if you are that, that you are.

And last but not least, Brene Brown’s famous lecture about shame has told us that shame needs three things to exist:

  • Secrecy

  • Silence

  • Judgement

So lets, talk about it, lets reveal it, lets become intimate again with each other, be naked - be who you are and ask for what you want. “Ask and you shall be given”