• Kai Helmich

3 Archetypal role models for men

A review of the movie Far from the Madding Crowd

It is my wish that men watch the movie Far from the Madding Crowd and realize the immense gift that this film has to offer us. It portraits 3 different kinds of male archetypes that are all part of being a man. Each moment of our lives we can choose which archetype we want to embrace, act out and reap the rewards from doing so. All three personalities are experiences that each man will have to embody at some time but surely only one if mastered will provide the home you are truly seeking to find.

I hope you enjoy watching this movie from a new perspective and maybe you will find yourself inspired to embrace the King within you too. Exactly that is how I feel where every man can help change the world.

One more tip is to watch the movie from another perspective:

  1. That the men are men and that the woman part plays the role of the woman

  2. That the male parts show individual masculine expressions and behaviors within the dynamics of spinning around the feminine principle within ONESELF.

Description of the 3 archetypal Role Models

  1. Prince Charming or the wounded pleaser

  2. The scarce Role Model, one the Hero’s Journey or the new King to be

  3. The wounded warrior

William Boldwood, Prince Charming or the wounded pleaser

(played by Michael Sheen)

A handsome and wealthy Provider and protector who it seems never to have tended to his own personal wounds. Yes, we all do have our own wounding. To have all the gold in the world, but who are you if you haven’t got to know yourself. He surely must be much more than just a handsome and wealthy facade that desperately seeks another object just to hold onto. Even though his heart may be at the right place, he is destined to live through once again the dramatic events of a wounded Prince Charming who only seeks to protect another wounded damsel in distress. The motto here is I save you, to save myself! Rather than I save myself so that it empowers you to save yourself. That at least is what this type of archetype is going to manifest in his life till he learns his lesson. True meaning and a life of purpose is generally achieved through personal growth and learning. As a cookie crumbles so does he crumble without having done his homework. His house of cards collapse in time with the ever more desperate attempts of him trying to pursue his luck on the outside. As much as he would have seeked a hero’s homecoming he now vanishes into oblivion sitting his time … literally I guess in his own built prison cell.

Final conclusion: Life is inviting us to expand, to learn and to grow as a human being where we are challenged to die and let go of the past for the purpose of resurrecting ourselves into a better version of ourselves. And as we change, the world around us changes! As I grow from Prince to King, I am also going to change those who I meet. Those that used to be Princesses are now showing up as Queens or those that are able to become Queens.

It says: In Him was life, and that life was the light of men (John 1:4). Further Jesus said something like that: he who is believing in the light of men, even if he may die, he shall live. To cut a long story short, I need to disappoint your hopes for a happy ending if you lean back and trust alone on worldly matters. If you don’t embrace the given light of men within you and make it grow, then it will perish. Just as it said in the Bible: For whoever has (the light of men) will be given more. But whoever does not have (the light of man), even what he has will be taken away from him." (Mark 4:25)

Gabriel Oak, On the hero’s journey or the new King to be

(played by Matthias Schoenaerts)

All men I guess have something of those 3 archetypes within us. Some have more of this and a little bit less of that others have too much of this and not enough of that. But the role of Gabriel Oak embodies the, as good as it gets archetype, that our world so desperately needs to transform. In the end of the film we are also told that you can’t just be always the good guy. A little bit of being a baddy gets you to the finishing line. Or as the wheel of consent by Betty Martin will tell you, sometimes giving and receiving or even allowing won’t get the job done, you just need to step into taking to claim the price. On this note: Do you know the archetype of the Dark Eros within you? If not then it is likely that someone or something has cut off your balls. Reclaim them and you shall not waste that, which could be yours. But then that's a rather small part of the cake. And remember the winner takes it all! So the hard work has been paid forward and in general it will be more than you ever thought you could give. Certainly patience is one of the main traits that a healthy masculine needs to befriend itself with. Then there is the sheer persistence, staying focused whilst life crucifies your ego over and over again. Just to tempt you to step down and choose one of the other less desirable archetypes. Your little inner critique will whisper affirmingly into your ears: You are not good enough, you cannot do it!

But foremost life is about the hard work and being of service without needing to stand in the limelight with immediate gratification, constant attention and approval raining down on us. Life asks us: can we stay centred and do what needs to be done in order to stay true and authentic to ourselves. When we live a life of purpose then we will find more sense in the things that need to be done rather than doing what we want to do. One scene that really stood out was when Gabriel asked her to marry her and she replied: If I want to marry someone, then I would need someone who tames me … and you would never be able to do that. She also added. That he would grow to despise her. Sure of his commitment he replied that he would not - EVER. The film then plays out on this particular promise, he would keep to his word proving that to stay at the side of an untamed woman (Lilith), he has the tons of unconditional love accessible to him that are required along the way. This tempering process builds the foundation of all life. The feminine force is like a hurricane and it takes a grounded, well disciplined masculine counterpart to keep standing in the eye of it and even enjoying it - otherwise all is lost. Just look at the film, one feminine part (in this case 1x woman) is at the gravitational centre of many masculine parts (in this case 3x males).

Unconditional Love- The love for the journey has to be greater than the wishful desire for a particular result. It boils down to the choices one takes at the main junctions in life. Always choose Uncertainty over Certainty. Stay away from judgement, rejection or abandonment, just because it doesn’t go your way. Accept that vibrant life is all about learning and growing. And the fastest path to growth is via not taking things personal or directly via death! A continuous cycle of initiations that will cleanse you and lift you up through ego deaths and resurrections. The best vehicle on that fastest path is real commitment to love unconditionally. You may never get in life what you wanted to get out of life but at the end you will look into the mirror and will be pleased how far you have come. And that's all that matters. How much have you followed your intuition, your belly and your gut feelings.

A last thing that stands out is the thing about pleasing. Gabriel doesn’t please her to find approval from her. Much more mature, he challenges her on things and shows commitment to his willingness to stay tall and centred within himself. He doesn’t give himself up for her. He proves over and over again that he is an uncompromisable Tower in the battle. He is fully present in his thoughts, in his words and in his actions. He doesn’t allow himself to be moved by his emotions, rather his strong feelings fuel his willpower to act from his highest self and stand tall all the way.

Francis Troy, The Wounded Warrior (mysterious, volatile, unpredictable)

(played by Tom Sturridge)

What is the difference between a Rebel and Freedom? A Rebel uses his power and force to act out impatiently, mostly with violence, manipulation or trickery to change the world whilst someone who embraces his freedom is concentrating all his own power on his inside to align its force with the outside. One breaks the boundaries and the other finds peace within them.

This is the not so happy ever after story of Francis Troy the charming and opportunistic soldier that knows how to pursue his prey with all the tricks of a Dark Eros. What Gabriel Oak didn't have enough of, Francis Troy has too much of it. It is the wounded heart and all its painful memories that shall be hidden by the ever so blown up drama that he spins, just to catch his prey. And as soon as he has devoured one experience he spins up the next net, yet for another drama to play out. As with any drug the level of sedation has to reach ever higher peaks till … till someday the whole house of stacked up cards come falling down on him. Pushing too hard, too much without a break is not how you achieve the best results in the long term. Remember steel is not so hard because it is rigid, rather it flexes that makes it strong. Otherwise it would just snap! So watch out of how much Dark Eros or masculine aspects you allow yourself to play out in your life. It may get you quick results combined with immediate gratification and a sense of achievement but then there comes a point where life asks you to add meaning to it. That then becomes the cave that you tried to avoid all along. If you haven't befriended your dragons by then, surely you are going to fail to fight them. Remember wise men do not slay dragons, they befriend and ride them. So we are facing all the initiation into adulthood at some time in our life.

Hopefully by then it is not too late to do the things that offered us meaning.

Enjoy the movie and let me know what resonates with you.

Men, have some balls - rise and shine :-) Kai