• Kai Helmich

Non violent Sex

There are so many things to look into why sex is not that continuous mind-blowing, fulfilling and expansive experience that improves and strengthens the connection between two people. Sadly our sexual interactions become destructive and distancing without us actually knowing it. And then when the rift is too great to bridge we suddenly face a battle that seems to be lost - that cannot be healed anymore. One does not want to have sex with the other, or the other doesn't want to have sex anymore!

I could write now pages and pages of things what can be done in a situation where mutual and reciprocative desire for each other is waning or has been lost but for now I want to highlight why it ended up like that.

Humans have two basic drives. One we call the Libido and one is aggression. Don't make the mistake to fall into judgement of one or the other. The importance is that we are able and understand to make use of both drives, intertwine and dance with it to achieve the best results at any given moment of time. Take control and surrender. Initiate and be lead. Speak and listen. Slow down and accelerate. Give and receive. Take and be taken. etc. ... Do you get my drift?

Aggression is a vital part in actually creating an experience (aggression = making the first step) however when we get stuck in that drive we limit the experience to only one side of the coin. Lets say aggression is doing, thinking, the mind and libido is being, feeling, the body. If we are truly ourselves, all that we want is to be love - to love and to be loved, therefore we want to melt into each other, merging into ONE big expanded and magic experience. We want to belong and be part of something greater. We want to feel the seemingly impossible feeling of being whole.

So be courageous, and dare to flip that coin! Make it spin offering you access into ONE world that offers both worlds merged as one. Male becomes female and female becomes male.

And no better way to start with oneself. Meaning for "most" men who are dominant in masculine aspects (aggression) to turn there attention to the feminine parts within them (libido) and for "most" woman who are dominant in feminine aspects (libido) to turn there attention to the masculine aspects (aggression) within them. And when each side has learned to embody all aspects for themselves then true unconditional love can blossom without the limited state of dependency.

Dependency is always connected to violent behaviour on either side, triggering the negative parts to be played out. The masculine is showing up more aggressive and the feminine is showing up more passive aggressive. Either way it is a form of violence and in its shadow it is highly destructive.

To learn how you can access the second side and flip your coin for a more fulfilling, sustainable and truly magical experience of living, loving and allowing yourself to being loved, just join me in my Solo Tantra Intro workshop or book an appointment with me via Skype or in Person.

PS: I am in Dublin from the 8th-10th May. If you would like to work with me then please contact me via e-mail: helmichk@gmail.com or call me on +4917622585542