• Kai Helmich

Q&A Solo Tantra: Do I have to masturbate in front of the group?

Q: Do I have to masturbate in front of the group?

A: No, you don't have to! All exercises are invitations to experience something. Your personal power is decided in the moment where you chose what you are going to do with that. ie. how do you react to this invitation. Also note that at one point you say YES to it but shortly afterwards you clearly feel that that YES has turned into a NO and therefore needs some readjusting. And from those readjustment you might find that now you could say YES again and ... So it is not so much about a single choice rather about the continuous choices that you make during the experience.

Just to clarify that at the end of a structured weekend experience there is the invitation to take part in the Three Circles Ritual which is bluntly said a group masturbation ritual - Yes! Just with a massive difference and that is that I will prepare and lead the group throughout the weekend to a experience which is not only judged by the left hand hemisphere of the brain, rather it is experienced through a state of embodiment (feeling state) where the mind actually takes a serving seat in the form of holding space, making sure you feel safe enough, protected and open to a new experience. Here the saying goes: "an expanded mind can never go back to its original state"

No matter what you and how you are choosing to experience this ritual it will have a lasting effect through new reference points that you will create by taking part.

  • Something that one would have judged before but could not find any judgement in the experience itself.

  • Creating a new reference point for sexual energy as being safe to be around in, as one understands that it is about holding oneself safe and protected through clear and transparent communication (verbal and non-verbal, ie. body language) and crystal clearly stated and fully enforced boundaries. Here is the emphasis to realise that now we are grown up and actually do have rights and the necessary force within us to protect ourselves which we may not have had in the past.

  • One reference point could be in the understanding that when we are fully embodied, connected and in a feeling state then we are having a complete different experience fuelled by one's own wisdom, compassion and unconditional love for the individual processes and journeys of each other.

  • And another reference point is that by experiencing a shame free, open, transparent and non-judgemental environment (maybe for the first time ever in your life) we see the beauty in all our common struggles and unique attempts to find authentic expression of our true selves. And that may also include your sexual aspects.

So how could you chose to take part in this ritual for you to be authentic?

  • You could chose to take part but keep certain clothes on (ie. underwear, pants, pyjama or a long sarong)

  • You could chose to bring with you a large duvet and stay under the duvet for as long as you feel the need for the privacy and protection of the duvet.

  • You could chose to accept that you may need some support during the ritual and each time you feel it necessary to do so you raise your hand and allow yourself to receive emotional support and technical help that is offered/ provided at all times.

  • You could chose to just witness the ritual on your place but maybe decide after a while to take part in some shape or form.

  • You could chose to prepare yourself for all eventualities and then decide at any moment of time how you want to flow. The importance is to be prepared and have the right things with you!

  • You could chose to lie down on your mat and actually not take part in it. This is maybe your greatest part in finding personal power without bending to peer or social pressure. All that matters is that you stay authentic and don't judge yourself, don't reject yourself and don't abandon yourself - no matter what you feel or what shows up.