• Kai Helmich

Intimacy & Relationships! What you sow is what you reap

Imagine every relationship is like a farmer's field. We are all farmers and the way how we experience farming is part of the choices that we make on an ongoing basis, day in day out.

  • How consistent am I in my commitment to work the field?

  • Do I do what needs to be done?

  • Do I have enough knowledge and experience accumulated to have the wisdom, to know when and what needs to be done?

  • Do I have a holistic understanding how the different aspects of farming are connected to each other? I mean do I accept that the birds, animals and little creatures and bacteria that float around in the environment are equally important for the balance and harmony, to make my field thrive. Just like sexuality, personal friendships, individual areas of expression, interests and health are equally doing their part to make you thrive in your relationship.

  • Do I have enough courage to constantly embrace change, to face the uncertainty of not knowing as I go along with the cycles and flow of life. I mean there is no point in keep ploughing the field into the spring and summer! Just because you like or are good at ploughing. We miss the next step and run danger to loose all that we have done so far. Of course the more we engage in the cycle and the further we come we risk to loose more of our continuous efforts, but ... the closer we get to the point of harvest the greater the reward will also become. Its like a scale that builds up one side by adding the right efforts at the right times to the project and when the time is ready and you have accumulated a lot of right efforts then you will get paid that amount in gold. What you sow is what you reap!

Those efforts in a relationship are the moments that YOU keep communicating, not allowing silence, avoidance and denial separate you from your partner. These efforts are counting on the scale when you speak out and chose radical truth, expressed through the heart. When you keep referring in the "I feel like ... when this and this happens" rather then project onto and blame the other for their action or inaction. The scale is loaded when I take full self-responsibility/ accountability for the mirror that I face in my life. When I become accountable for the emotions that I encounter as my emotions that come from within me. Therefore it must be MINE, ie. it is in me! So in straight words, if your partner makes you sick at times then you should be fully self-responsible of the sickness in your body. STOP doing what you do or refrain from doing and take another approach, explore another perspective, bring it up in a heartfelt inquisition, ask some questions, state and make known that you are really feeling sickness coming up within you when the relationship comes to this particular situation. And that you want to change that! Asking for help and inviting the other to co-create a more balanced and harmonious relating style rather than throwing up the sickness all over your partner and or relationship, turning outwards rather than staying in your power and being self-responsible, doing what has to be done rather what is the path of least resistance. Yes the path to a very worthwhile return on investment is via the narrow path, not only do you need to do what is right, much more you continuously need to do what is right at each moment to see your full harvest turning into Gold. And this requires constant feeling into yourself! Yes keep staying with your own truth, concentrate on your own emotions, thoughts and feelings and learning to read those signs that are of sole significance in your life.

Sowing is not the single action of one particular activity/ task rather sowing are the accumulated acts over a period of time that creates the return of investment. So you won't get passed continuous commitment, focus and persistence to radical truth, painful self-expression and self- declaration. Sow this in the face of snow, wind and hail and you at some point will receive equal measures in Gold through the reciprocity of your partner. There is no reaping without sowing, there is no gold without digging and there is certainly no intimacy without paying it forward by stating and make known what is really going on inside of yourself, what you feel and who you are at any given moment of time.