• Kai Helmich

Can you ask for help when you need help?

Many times I hear that people try to find composure again before reaching out for help. But what message are we sending out (primarily at ourselves)? That what we truly feel is non of a priority? Ie. I don't matter, I shouldn't bother other people with my issues?! That it is not ok to fall apart, that it is weak to emotionally let go, drop our masks and crumble to pieces once in a while. Isn't it also for a child once in a while the best thing for its immune system to get the flu? So why not fall apart once in a while so that our emotional body has the chance to rearrange itself and fall together again in a more improved manner? ... Isn't the message we are sending out, that an emotional subject has to be delt with in a rational and objective manner? Isn't that like talking to children in a foreign language, that they don't understand! Of course some objectivity can help to get to the bottom of a drama that has unravelled but it never actually solves the cause, actually it just smoothes out the waves so that the ocean is safe again for business to continue as usual. Yes we certainly will have to face another storm down the road, an even mightier one but that will be an egg of tomorrow is the so often preferred approach to difficulties.

Did you know that in therapy or healing sessions it is important to get the person connecting to the emotional feeling and only then it is possible to feel, to acknowledge, to express, heal and transform the cause of the problem. Not that one has to re-experience a scenario (please don't go back into the scenario if you don't really have to - the last you want to do is dig in the past and re-traumatise yourself on an ongoing basis) but the feeling within the body which has been labelled and stored for that particular event needs to be tapped into. It is just like a fitting key to a lock! Each belief or behaviour pattern belongs to a certain situation or circumstance of your past which is the lock. So to undue the memory of this situation or circumstance requires that you can bring yourself into the feeling state and from there you can track back, acknowledge, express, heal and let go of that memory.

With this in mind both sides of an relating scenario will have to be educated and empowered to act in a different manner so that a different outcome can be achieved. There is a time and a place where we can objectively discuss and rationally analyse what has gone on but if we fall with the door into the room we pass the so important opportunity of healing. So if your partner, spouse, friend of family member is not able to hold a compassionate and unconditional space for you then a professional therapist of your choice would be a good bet to be fully seen, heard and encouraged to express all that which has been triggered and is ready to be released. So please don't be trying to be so dam strong and get by the storm, as sooner you call for help because water is coming into the ship, the more chances you have to fix it in time or to be rescued of the sinking ship. If not you will continue to face the darkness of the night, the cold and freezing water and your only ally - hope.

So don't make it more difficult as it has to be, when in need - ask for help!

Also consider to learn what you can do so that your own environment is able, willed and capable to hold you when you need that support. Whatever wants to be seen, felt and expressed, I am welcoming you, reaching out: helmichk@gmail.com