• Kai Helmich

Talking invites more thrills, suspense and fun into the bedroom?

So often I have come across the subject of suspense, the thrill of not knowing what is to happen next or of holding the borrowed power in providing it to someone else. And yes I think there is a great opportunity in trusting but ... So many of those that trust are trusting blindly in the hope to be liked, loved or at least not to be judged, rejected or even abandoned for that matter. Others trust because their capacity to speak out is just blatantly dis-empowered or not existent. Understandably in a society that doesn't value indifference rather creates massive demand in movements or trends where the more people aspire the same thing, the higher the stock will rise, the more profit will be made.

This earth has 8 billion different beings with each of them having different skills, gifts and wisdom to share, however we also have our own unique past, with the circumstances we grew up in, the society that taught us and our family and friends that raised us. All those memories and experiences that made us to the unique being of who we are today!

There is a saying: "Treat the other the way how you want to be treated" but this saying if not taken out of context here would then imply that you are equal to each other. Which is just not true! From a personal perspective one needs to say: "Treat the other, the way how they want to be treated" And to find out how the other actually wants to be treated, we need to talk, ask some questions, clarify some unspoken things and bring some more light into the grey areas of falsely believing and wrongly thinking. Equally we need to speak out and say how we want to be treated, so that we become fully responsible for our own experience.

I always bring up a particular example of a certain massage client. They have booked an appointment with me expecting a bodywork session and as they are ready to hop onto the bench they swiftly answer my question of what kind of experience are you looking for or how would you like to be touched, with "ahhh, I trust you, just do what feels right for you to do"! So then I pinch them quiet hard and they raise up shocked and quiet disturbed saying: "what was that all about"? So I replied: " I felt I needed to wake you up and therefore I pinched you! You said I should do what feels right to me, so I did! You can be glad that I didn't start spanking you or taking out a chainsaw and taking off your leg. Maybe that is how I felt at that moment of time for you to learn the lesson to be self-responsible".

I know it takes courage to speak out constantly and state how one is currently experiencing or how one would like to experience something at any moment of time. But if one does so, one will gain a much greater living experience, more amount of joy, happiness and pleasure will come your way as more and more moments turn out to be exactly what you wanted them to be. You become the manifester of your own experiences and therefore have a direct influence to manifest your life/ future!

And one more thing that I want to mention about the suspense! Yes most of us want to either surrender and let go or take control and direct. Either way one would like to trust or be trusted and enjoy the dynamic of uncertainty, chemistry and magic flow with someone else that leads us/ allows us to get to the place of our wildest fantasies. However this place of our wildest fantasies is only to be reached safely through open and transparent communication. By speaking out ones intention and clarifying what parts one wants to bring into the experience and what parts are out of bounds (at present). It is here where we create a place that is safe and has a healthy amount of trust established (ie. the work has been put in for trust to be given) and when you can really trust someone (ie. all details have been clarified) then you also can surrender completely, lead or follow the other to the wildest of places.

Again I want to stress, to expand our comfort zone one needs to start communicating, to learn how to state and make known - to become fully self-responsible for the quality of your own experiences.

One needs to start with the small things in live, to start speaking out how one actually wants his/ her coffee or wants his/ her partner to do this or that and if one become really good in doing that then one will also will find it much easier to speak about things in the bedroom.

If you find it difficult to speak freely about anything that is involving your sexuality then you may want to practice talking about sexual matters with a neutral practitioner. And again when you become more comfortable in speaking out about sexual matters then go and bring this liberated and expanded part of you into your relationship. Enjoy